Life is Trichy: Memoir of a mental health therapist with a mental health disorder by Muller Lindsey

Author:Muller, Lindsey [Muller, Lindsey]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Mindful Publishing Co.
Published: 2014-11-26T16:00:00+00:00

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I returned from the TLC conference with a renewed perspective on my disorder and my life. This happens quite often when an individual seeks an opportunity, such as a meditation retreat, religious conference, or missionary work. We leave the experience with something new and different than that with which we arrived. For some it is captivating stories, for others it is exquisite photography. Nonetheless, the stories and photos do not account for the personal transformation that, sometimes, cannot be expressed with language. I toiled with how to make those feelings last, the feelings of passion, motivation, and determination to continue on my new path toward self-enhancement and growth.

The novelty and richness of my experience gradually faded and after remaining pull free for two months post-conference (which was the longest I had gone without pulling), I found myself sliding back into my old ways. At the time, I was not able to identify what thoughts were associated with this decision, for it was certainly not something I had set out to do. Emotionally, I felt disgruntled. The reality is that a short-lived conference did not have the ability to make the long-lasting changes necessary in my life. It was just an additional tool, which merely provided support, references, and clarity to what I was doing and why I should stop. I was the only person stopping me from breaking free of Trichotillomania, and I was the only person that could make the decision to implement change. It was not until entering high school, with partially grown out bangs, and a few thinned, nickel-sized areas on my crown, that I truly made that decision.

My behavior had persisted for at least two years at this point. I had therapy, Inositol, the TLC conference, parental support, and environmental deterrents in my past. In my future, I had endless opportunity, and my life was mine to seize. The high school years were vastly different as compared to middle school. My life revolved around my social schedule both in and out of school. Guys and girls were starting to form real relationships, and I discovered my first crush. I had been in school with him since the start of middle school, but apparently it took some time for puberty and my hormones to get up to speed. My first love, although he did not know it at the time, was strong motivation to take my hair growth to the next level. Additionally, I secured positions on the varsity cheerleading squad, varsity soccer team, and varsity tennis team, which meant that I would be performing for some very important male spectators. During the school day, I spent much of my time speaking in front of peers, given that I was class president, on the debate team, and an officer in the honor society. I also took part in school plays, albeit small roles where I stood in the background.

My social status, my reputation, my extracurricular involvement, and the hope of winning over my crush enabled Trichotillomania to find a subordinate place in my life.

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